Lots of discussion in another thread re: cheating partners and what we’d do if we caught our partners cheating (ouch!!!)
Some questions:
1. Can we truly be monogamous?
2. What constitutes cheating (phone sex, porn, masturbation, flirting, Strip clubs, Fantasizing about a dancer on ‘So you thing you can dance’, Net dirty talk......)
3. How do we cope when we truly need a short reality break (I fail to see how one can go through say 50 years of marriage without ever needing to let off steam or take a moment away)
4. When that need for a short break (as opposed to a breakup) comes how do you let off steam.
5. Are the rules different for each sex (girl ogle stripper at hens night is cool. guys go same sand its feral)
6. What about the talk of ‘safe’ lists (ie: Will Smith is on my partners list and Angelina Jolie is on my, Jessica Alba is on both of ours...Is that just silly talk or if it really presented itself then what....?)
Just some points in what I’m sure will be an interesting topic......
1. Yes
2. Everyone’s limits are different so anything that you know will piss me off or hurt me. Anything that is disrespectful to me or the relationship. In other words if you feel guilty - it’s probably wrong.
3. I think its a continual process. You have to allow yourself some “me time” at every given opportunity. Otherwise it builds up.
4. Go visit family on your own, go to the gym, have a night out with friends, take up a course, envelope yourself in a hobby - not someone else.
5. See number 2.
6. Not a fan of the safe list. Don’t see why a celebrity should be an acception. They’re just like everyone else.
My rules for cheating are simple. Don’t.
If you do - you better make sure you call me on the spot and break it off and she sure as hell needs to be BETTER than me. Nothing worse than having the person you love run around with trash.
1. Yes
2. Would you do it if i was there? If not, then that’s wrong. Maybe not cheating, but it’s defiently not right.
3 and 4. Whatever it is, it shouldn’t involve someone else. Otherwise, any way you wanna go about it is fine.
5. See number 2.
6. Don’t believe in a safe list.
1. Can we truly be monogamous...and be happy...? I’m not sure about that- its one thing to have a life partner- but to be happy and in love forever is another just because you don’t cheat doesn’t mean your living with the person for the right reasons
2. What constitutes cheating; when it gets physical or emotional. If you can do it in front of your partner..and you know they’ll be okay with it...I don’t think its cheating; all relationships are different.
3. How do we cope when we truly need a short reality break; well if you need a break they probably do to- so fly them on an exotic holiday with their friends and you can stay at home and play x box.
4. When that need for a short break (as opposed to a breakup) comes how do you let off steam. Honestly breaks are just a weakness for people who don’t have the courage to break up…
5. Are the rules different for each sex (girl ogle stripper at hens night is cool. guys go same sand its feral) I don’t like stippers either way; but if you have a dare to kiss a friend and they have the same...are the rules different...? Yes! hehe
6. What about the talk of ‘safe’ lists (ie: Will Smith is on my partners list and Angelina Jolie is on my, Jessica Alba is on both of ours...Is that just silly talk or if it really presented itself then what....?) The only likst you should be writing together is a shopping list....don’t forget milk!!...oh and chocolate...and strawberries...and...well…
Forgot to say before - my parents have been married for over 30 yrs and they’re still so sweet to each other its gross. Although I don’t know the ins and outs of their relationship (thank god)… my Dad has always said that the secret to their marriage is realising that every so often you will change and grow and you’ll falll out of love… but the best thing is that you get to fall inlove with same person over and over again and he wouldn’t swap that with falling for a bunch of different people because it doesn’t compare.
Forgot to say before - my parents have been married for over 30 yrs and they’re still so sweet to each other its gross. Although I don’t know the ins and outs of their relationship (thank god)… my Dad has always said that the secret to their marriage is realising that every so often you will change and grow and you’ll falll out of love… but the best thing is that you get to fall inlove with same person over and over again and he wouldn’t swap that with falling for a bunch of different people because it doesn’t compare.
Love it!!!! - and sold - Mine have clocked up 50 and I reckon they follow the same principals.
AUDS - Not sure about point 4 - Sometimes its possible to lose perspective and one may need a reality check (ie: the grass is generally no greener) - So not all breaks are a consequence of one lacking courage to break up - IMHO.
Fantastic responses - Better go some gorcery shopping :)
2. Everyone’s limits are different so anything that you know will piss me off or hurt me. Anything that is disrespectful to me or the relationship. In other words if you feel guilty - it’s probably wrong.
Beba, so by this reckoning when you are in a steady relationship and you mind strays to Tyrese (or whoever) whilst in the throes of passion with your boy - if that makes you feel guilty or would hurt him if he knew where your mind was as, then it would be wrong? (whereas the reality may be for that particular love making session your ‘illicit thoughts’ are in fact enhancing the experience for both you and your boy…) Sure there may be some residual guilt and quite frankly if you knew your boy was thinking about a porno he watched whilst vigorously making love to you, may cause you to stop the most passionate session you are having on principal – hehehehe
I don’t think of anyone else when I’m intimate with someone. Its NEVER happened to me. I’m weird like that though, when I love someone they’re like God to me. Nothing can beat them, I think the reason is because they represent the whole package to me whereas Tyrese is just a piece of meat. For all I know he could be racist, ignorant, stupid, self-absorbed etc… not to say the person I’d be inlove with didnt have faults - but they would obviously be faults I could live with hence me entering into a relationship with them.
AUDS - Not sure about point 4 - Sometimes its possible to lose perspective and one may need a reality check (ie: the grass is generally no greener) - So not all breaks are a consequence of one lacking courage to break up - IMHO.
AUDS - Not sure about point 4 - Sometimes its possible to lose perspective and one may need a reality check (ie: the grass is generally no greener) - So not all breaks are a consequence of one lacking courage to break up - IMHO.
B-Love
You can only chase one rabbit at a time..
But Beavers is another story
On a more serious note.....Youre telling me you’ve never been in a relationship where you needed a break just to get your head straight? (as opposed to breaking it off....)
On a more serious note.....Youre telling me you’ve never been in a relationship where you needed a break just to get your head straight? (as opposed to breaking it off....)
B-Love
Correct.
I don’t do second chances.
Edit: Perhaps I should expand on this so i don’t sound like a COMPLETE cold hearted person..and Bobby rams me.
When I’m in a relationship (as far as I can recall..) Its cool and all, but there is this gut feeling where it just doesn’t feel right. Things happen and I let things pass etc, but this feeling doesn’t go away. Years later I come to realise that this is because its not right. Given the time and the opportunity for the other person to come and a more mutual level there are times and spaces that are given emotionally and physically..they just might not know it. From there its a clean(ish) straight break. Once I know its over, its over. No point in trying to lighten the blow or make it all easy to have breaks etc when you know in your heart if you don’t want to be with them anymore.
So yeah, no breaks...just Contiki Holidays!!!
I my opinion Monogamy (in fact any long term sustained relationship) is all about compromises and, 2nd chances, if you wish.
I totally get what your saying that when its gone it gone but you used the word ‘clean(ish)’and the statement ‘there are times and spaces that are given emotionally and physically’
This was the point I was trying to convey
PS: without your edit yuo not only sounded cold hearted but also deluded and destined for lonliness....But its all good cause you expanded and now sound like someone who will suffer and hurt forgive and tolerate (all to a certain extent) in the pursuit of true love....Which is the only way...)
1. Absolutely - not without a shitload of love and discipline but absolutely possible
2. For me, its anything that constitutes a serious emotional involvement or at a moment when things get physical - flirting to me is not cheating, its harmless and i think necessary
3. Time apart can be such a strengthening tool - I believe you truly don’t appreciate a person until you have the opportunity to miss them
4. Go away with your friends, take up a hobby - all the things Beba said - its important to cater to yourself and always maintain your individual interests
5. No - anything he can do , I can do and vice versa
6. We have a safe list - i find it funny - can’t say I know what I’d do if the situation ever materialised but i’m going with the idea that I’m never going to accidently run into Mos Def anytime soon
Bobby - I love what you’ve said about compromise and 2nd chances - i co-sign this wholeheartedly
1. Absolutely - not without a shitload of love and discipline but absolutely possible
2. For me, its anything that constitutes a serious emotional involvement or at a moment when things get physical - flirting to me is not cheating, its harmless and i think necessary
3. Time apart can be such a strengthening tool - I believe you truly don’t appreciate a person until you have the opportunity to miss them
4. Go away with your friends, take up a hobby - all the things Beba said - its important to cater to yourself and always maintain your individual interests
5. No - anything he can do , I can do and vice versa
6. We have a safe list - i find it funny - can’t say I know what I’d do if the situation ever materialised but i’m going with the idea that I’m never going to accidently run into Mos Def anytime soon
Bobby - I love what you’ve said about compromise and 2nd chances - i co-sign this wholeheartedly
I co sign on this one thanks honesty i didnt know how to put and that makes perfect sense to me
i hope all cheaters suffer for the rest of there lifes with so much heartbreak
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anyone who cheats does not deserve a 2nd chance
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i strongly believe that once ur a cheater, ur always gonna be a cheater and a person who doesnt care about anyone else apart from urself
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bc of farken idiots like this i dont trust ppl anymore, it was hard enough for me to trust ppl before all of this bc of the niteclub industry where u cant trust anyone
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ive blown so many mad chances of finding someone special bc of 2 idiot ex’s who cheated on me, i find it hard to trust someone i just met
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so bc of this i wish the pain i went threw happens to my ex’s 1000times worse then wat i went threw, i could go on and on about the pain i went threw when it happened to me and its one of the reasons why i find it hard to sleep
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thx
Honesty, why do you think flirting is necessary? I don’t think it’s cheating either, but i don’t think it’s very respectful to your partner. Kind of makes them look like a bit like a chump really.
