Grooveon Forums

My friend is in need of some advice. I’ve shared my experiences with her, hoping some of yours will help her out too.

What’s your definition of love?

How do you determine whether to stay or go when there are problems?

Did you ever stick it out? What got you through?

Have you ever had to say goodbye? How did you do it? Do you regret it?

LOVE lol stupid word, i dont know how someone could explain it, u just feel that its there i guess
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omg ive had some ex’s who are just problems and who have treated me like im a piece of shit and yet i still tried to work it out, its damn hard to try and fix every single issue which is brought up and as much as i dont wanna do it, if i cant solve it then i have to move on
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i think its alot easier for me to say goodbye to someone that i dont wanna see go bc of my djing, that helps me just block all the pain i have suffered in the past from ex’s and after a few weeks i feel alot better
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i think if u have someone to keep ur mind busy then it will be alot easier for u, i usually just hang out with friends and there pretty much a good cure
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as for if i regret it, well no bc my last 2 ex’s cheated on me so they can burn in hell

What’s your definition of love?

Caring about another more than yourself. Giving them your honour, loyalty and respect without having to compromise yourself

How do you determine whether to stay or go when there are problems?

Well that’s different for everyone...it depends on the level of love you have for this person. If you love some one on the highest level that you’ve ever loved anyone before in your life the lines are blurred. You’d suffer through a lot more than you normally would to make it work.

Did you ever stick it out? What got you through?

Well I’m not gonna divulge here coz you know all my answers to this one lol

Have you ever had to say goodbye? How did you do it? Do you regret it?

This part is still unwritten....

omg if i ever did regret what i did when it comes to ending the relationship then i would be a depressed person all my life

What’s your definition of love? Is the Undeniable feeling you have for another.

How do you determine whether to stay or go when there are problems? If you have that gut feeling telling you its not right- well its not right. If you go or choose to let the situation go, then you will know its the right thing because it will be hard but it is just a reflection of your own pain. Never stay because you feel the other person needs you. Thats bullshit.

Did you ever stick it out? What got you through? Sure I did, and its about of a waste of time as watching Barbie’s hair grow. Its the ‘if I just stick it out’ comment I made that made merealise it wasn’t right...but that wasn’t love.

Have you ever had to say goodbye? How did you do it? Do you regret it? I’ve said goodbye many times and the only one it really hurt with is the one that’s true love. How did I do it? Just shut down and deny all true feelings.. Do I regret it..? NO. Because true love always returns; (refer to question 1)- Its Undeniable..

What’s your definition of love?
i don’t know what the definition would be but i know that you don’t have to ask yourself if you’re in love if you really are.  i know you don’t have to try to feel anything or force yourself to feel something and you should definitely feel it’s reciprocal, that’s the biggest sign you’ve found love.
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How do you determine whether to stay or go when there are problems?
gut.  take thinking out of it.  everything that has been good is hard to end but if you’re hurting or confused and your partners not doing much to help you or put you at ease, it’s a fair indication you should probably make a move.
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Did you ever stick it out? What got you through?
every relationship has tough times but they shouldn’t last..if they do you gotta re-evaluate.
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Have you ever had to say goodbye? How did you do it? Do you regret it?
yep. a couple of times.
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i was in a serious relationship when i was a lot younger, for 4 years, in the last year he became really violent.  i should have left the first time i covered up a bruise and lied to a good friend about it.  i basically had a panic attack while talking to him on the phone one night and everything came out and i ended it.  i don’t know what got me through, family or stupidity, but the thought of being afraid for my safety daily just got so crazy. 
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i also ended a 2 year long distance engagement, 2 years ago now...that was probably the toughest thing ever.  as good as it was there was a niggling feeling i carried with me for a long time that something was missing.  i listened to it and ended it.
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i don’t regret anything but that’s now.  it’s always tough to walk away at first...why wouldn’t it be?  i’d rather be alone and single than be alone in a relationship.

love = mutual acceptance for each other regardless of faults, and mutual caring for someone else just as much, if not more than yourself.

if the problems can’t be worked out, you go. If they can, you stay.

Have i stuck it through? No.

Have i ever had to say goodbye? Yes. How did i do it? I made out like i didn’t give a shit. Do i regret it? More often than not.

What’s your definition of love?
A feeling where you care about someone or something as much as or more than yourself. It comes naturally, with little or no effort and its focus is to ensure the well being of the object of your affection.

How do you determine whether to stay or go when there are problems?
Evaluate communication, happiness and needs. If any of those aren’t being met over an extended period of time, then it’s time to go. I also ask myself if my relationship was a gift, would I give it to someone to have with someone else? If it’s not good enough for those I love then it sure isn’t good enough for me.

Did you ever stick it out? What got you through?
I always stick it out. I never wanted to be “regret” girl. As a result I learnt that it doesn’t matter what you do or how much you love someone, even if that love is returned. If the individual or the relationship is unhealthy - then it’ll only bring pain. You can be inlove with a rapist or serial killer who loves you back, doesn’t mean it’s good for you.

What got me through was pure and utter denial coupled with my stubborn nature. I will always fight for love, just need to be sure it’s worht fighting for.

Have you ever had to say goodbye? How did you do it? Do you regret it?
Yes. More than I’d like to.

First was my ex-fiance. The issues were subtle and underlying. After 4 yrs of not being able to put my finger on it so to speak, I ended it. Best thing I ever did. The life that started to form in the next few months was entirely empowering and liberating.

Second was what I thought was the love of my life. It was actually a vicious and emotionally abusive relationship that I’m sure is rooted in the pits of hell lol. I became the equivelant of a junkie. Waiting for the mind blowing highs only to drop to lowest low smashing into pieces every single time but I kept going back for more. It was stronger than reason. Eventually I got sick of of having no clarity, of being a former shadow of myself and of feeling deep hurt and anger every day. It took me forever to come back from that, it felt like having to learn to walk again. Key aspects where realising it wasn’t love, that I wasn’t happy and that the problem also lied with ME. Why was I allowing this? What was I holding on to?

The only thing I regret was not doing it sooner.

P.s Lao Hu - thanks for posting that. I know it’s not easy to voice those types of experiences publically

hahaha I have a PhD in this subject but you already know that Beba and Poppa so no point in writing a massive paragraph. And yer Lao Hu, what Beba said

^^ thanks.  i don’t have any shame over it anymore, that took a good 10 years.  i don’t remember what i was like before i met him but i remember what i was like with him...bottom line, i’ve never been the same since.  i had to start from scratch at 19.  scary that ‘love’ can lead somewhere like that.
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what’s tough is hanging onto baggage cos you eventually figure out a part of you is choosing to hold onto sorrow, hate etc and the consolation of people showing you empathy is just giving you more permission to sit in your own shit.  people feed off negative crap.  they can have it.  i choose not to.
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note to anyone listening - if you don’t feel okay being yourself with someone, run a mile.

I can agree and relate to all you have said above Lao Hu. Its so difficult to see the light when you are in the Dark, but its all apart of the journey. These shadows of the psyche will provide important ingredients towards the attainment of wholeness. With guidance we can learn to adapt, change and grow as new situations present themselves to us.
Remember unconditional love is whats to treasure, always love yourself and others unconditionally. Changing someone who is already on their own path will not help you find yours.

i reckon i have had more fun being single then ever before, i dont think i can go through another relationship of being treated like garbage when u treat them with so much love and royalty
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my last ex continues to try and keep in contact with me even tho she cheated on me, i dont need that type of shit hanging around me at all
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as tough as it was to basicaly block her out completely it just had to be done or i would of being a mess ..i lost enough sleep thinking of that

I’ve been thinking long and hard about howe I’d post in this. Every time I came up with something it either sounded mushy or too scientific.

So I dont know what love if but I do know I’m currently surrounded by it. - And its pretty bloody good.

B-Love

There’s nothing wrong with mushy. We all love and need love right?

What about the rest of the questions?

right now all i can say is love is the reason why i am the person i am today, but some days i wanna say fuck love and some days i miss it some days its not there and some days it is in the end, It is Wat it is!!!!